Ever hear a song that just touches you down deep to your soul? You can feel it in your bones? You find yourself crying every.single.time you hear it? This is exactly how I feel lately about Casting Crowns’ song Love Moved First. Of course, the song moves me deeply because I am so grateful Jesus died for me and I look forward to the day I am with my Savior, BUT the song moves me way beyond Casting Crowns’ intended lyrics. When I hear this song, I think about my sweet girl and how her life, our life, has been filled with many challenges. Challenges are a continuous part of life, but when you add on a disability they intensify dramatically. If you know me personally, you know I find the humor and the positives in our autism journey, Mable is so fun and FUNNY! My positive outlook does not mean there have not been really hard, major crisis, violent and tear-filled events along the way. Autism is a tough journey...it is a marathon and not a sprint. This song hits home because the chorus rings so true,
"You didn't wait for me to find my way to You
I
couldn't cross that distance even if I wanted to
You
came running after me
When
anybody else would've turned and left me at my worst
Love moved
first"
When Mable is in her
worst moments, she can't wait for me (or her teachers), she can't stop the
violent meltdown no matter how hard she may want to, it has to run its course like a F5 tornado. She, we, have been
SO BLESSED because SO MANY teachers, friends & family have gone running
after her and NEVER left her even in her worst moments. There are so many
"things" that have to be done for an autistic child/adult to be
successful throughout their life and it can be VERY OVERWHELMING and all consuming at
times. No matter how many "things" that are done, if your love
has not moved first with her, then the rest becomes impossible. For years I have
heard about Mable's lack of communication with non-preferred people. My
girl can spot a fake person a mile away. She will not move mountains with
someone who is not genuinely invested in her being successful and knowing her as a person. The
beautiful thing about autism is the ability to know the difference between
"social politeness" and genuine relationship minded people, it's a "super power".
Having a child/adult with autism requires a true partnership with anyone who
will be on the journey with us. Most Special Education classes are set up
where the child/adult is with the same teacher for a few years, so it is common
for everyone involved to become really good friends by the end of their time together. Autism isn't a journey
that can be done alone, a lot of support is needed....even if the support is
just a listening ear while A LOT of crying happens by the parent/guardians. Often,
I find myself hanging onto Scripture to bring comfort to my heart and
mind. This is one of my favorites right now,
Matthew 8:23-26 NIV
"23 Then he got into the
boat and his disciples followed him. 24 Suddenly a furious
storm came up on the lake, so that the waves swept over the boat. But Jesus was
sleeping. 25 The disciples went and woke him, saying, “Lord,
save us! We’re going to drown!” 26 He replied, “You of little
faith, why are you so afraid?” Then he got up and rebuked the winds
and the waves, and it was completely calm."
I
love this verse because it is one of many examples of how Jesus crawls in the
boat with me during a storm. I trust Him
completely with every fiber of my being, I trust that He will calm the storms
that pop up in our life and that I am never alone. I am very fortunate because I have many
family and friends that also climb in the boat with me so that I never face a
storm alone. Crawling in the boat with
me has looked different throughout the years because every storm looks
different with autism. Some of our
storms, it has not been safe for family or friends to be in person with us, something
I know was very hard for them to watch from the sidelines, and they had to
support, encourage us via phone or email.
Sometimes our storms have required many people to be in person with
us. It really has been a journey and
will always be a journey with an autistic child/adult. No matter how the
support has looked throughout the years or how it will look in the future the
point is…love has to move first. We are in
difficult times in our society right now, imagine how our world would look if
we all let love move first…
I
pray this song touches your heart and encourages you as much as it does me. 😊
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