In life we walk through moments and don't give much thought to the ordinary movements of life. As a special needs mom, I too walk through the moments of life without much thought....or so I thought I did! Within the past couple of weeks, I would say a more accurate statement would be, I am learning how to breathe throughout my movements of our life. Mable and I have a consistent routine, a groove in our daily life so to speak. She and I pretty much do the same things daily and it is easy to just walk through another day without much thought. Mable is generally a very happy, go lucky kind of girl who loves to smile and laugh. She is easy to love and a joy to be around most of the time. She and I have done this autism dance for a little over sixteen years, so I would say we are used to the autism life.
Throughout our life we have learned many things about autism and how Mable functions in various activities of life. Mable's big things are crying babies, although she is better with this now, and being in "character mode". She loves to become whatever character she is obsessing about, which could be several at one time. It has always been a fine balance of how much visual stimulation she receives daily. It isn't as easy as just turning off the TV or electronic devices because her brain is like one big TV or electronic gaming system. If she can see it with her eyes, then she can become obsessed with it. These are the two big things that we generally deal with on a regular basis.
When she was younger, she was scared of elevators and we climbed MANY sets of stairs! So glad this one has passed and she willingly rides elevators now. Although, I will say when we approach them, I find myself holding my breath to see if she will actually get on it. She also liked to run off/elope and hide. Throughout her school years many plans were developed due to her running/eloping at a moments notice. She never gave indicators that she was about to bolt and Ms. Mable can run FAST! She generally would run/elope and go to her favorite hiding spot. Thankfully she is consistent and wherever she ran the first time, generally, would be the place she went each time at that school. As she got older, we were able to work on her using her words to say she needed to leave a situation and the running/eloping stopped. We had a strong plan in place and it was effective within the school setting. All seemed well, but I often found myself holding my breath if she had a substitute for the day or advancing to the next school placement.
As an adult, Mable is out in society and transitioning into her adult life. She attends a Dayhab and has a part time job. All of this comes with new challenges for her and me to be successful daily. For the most part, SHE IS ROCKING IT! I am so PROUD of her! But I find myself holding my breath more than ever before because I know that in the "real world" no one cares that she is autistic. She is expected to be a good citizen and a part of society in a positive way. This does not mean that she isn't give some grace to an extent, but it isn't as much as one might think.
About two weeks ago, Mable was triggered by something and it started a full blown behavioral event. I do not know what the trigger was that set this in motion, but we do know that it started on the bus headed to work. It ended with her being found by the fire department in a drainage pipe about 528 feet away from Papa John's. Mable was missing for about two hours, the fire department and police department were searching for her and an ambulance was standing by to help as needed. First, I want to say how AMAZING the EMS guys were because the cavalry showed up to search for her! Three fire trucks, several police cars and an ambulance...WOW! Grateful doesn't even seem to be a powerful enough word to describe how I feel about every person that helped look for my girl. Second, the two hours felt like an eternity and I was holding my breath the entire time. Mable was found and was checked out in the ER before we went home. I will write more about this in another post.
As we get back into our daily routine, I find myself holding my breath more and more after this behavioral event. I find myself watching her every move to see if anything is out of "normal", I am texting our village throughout the day to see how she is doing, and I am praying more fiercely. It is amazing how one minute life just goes by as usual and then something happens and time seems frozen. My days feel longer and I know it is because I am holding my breath.
Over the past two weeks, I have done a lot of reflecting about this situation and how to start breathing again. There are MANY verses in the Bible where God tells us not to worry, that He is in control and He is with us. God is a comforting and loving Father and His Word is full of encouragement! Psalm 46:1-3 GNT is one of many that reminds me of His love for me,
"God is our shelter and strength, always ready to help in times of trouble. So we will not be afraid, even if the earth is shaken and mountains fall into the ocean depths; even if the seas roar and rage, and the hills are shaken by the violence." Psalm 46:1-3 GNT
Learning to breathe again after an event is actively stepping in Faith daily and trusting God with all the big scary emotions that feel so overwhelming and crushing. If you find yourself in some scary waters, please know you are not alone! Be transparent, ask for help from your village. Mable and I have an incredible village, I will write more about them in a later post. If you do not have a village, please reach out and I will gladly pray with you and for you.
I hope you find this song encouraging :)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wMmmbJlWhtk
Drainage Area Mable was found, it was pitch black and it was hard to find her.
Comments
Post a Comment