I would love to tell you that everyday is a joyful and happy occasion filled with silliness and funny Mable stories to share on Facebook, but I would be lying if I said that. The reality is some days are just plain hard! In my last post I shared about a pretty traumatic afternoon for me and I am so grateful the majority of my hard days are not like that day. Sadly though, for some special needs parents, it is their daily reality and my heart is with them because this parenting gig is not for the fainthearted. When Mable was diagnosed with autism at the age of 4.5 years old it made me think about our future differently. Would she live a life like her peers, go off to college and graduate? Would she one day get married and have babies? Would she have a job to support herself and live independently? So many questions with very little answers given by anyone who were considered "experts" in autism. Life became researching and learning about autism, making plans on how to deal with autism, being her voice and ensuring she had what she needed for success, and...and...and...the list was endless. I also had a lot of grief, why me, this isn't fair and pissed off at God for not giving me the "perfect child" we all kind of fantasize about when we are pregnant. I would love to tell you that I no longer have those moments, but again that would be a lie. While it is different 17 years after the diagnosis, I still grieve for the things that aren't a possibility for Mable. She will never be married or have children. She will never have a job to support herself or live independently. Not every kid goes off to college or graduates. AND there are no "perfect children" like we fantasize about during pregnancy. Raising children is messy, hard, and challenging! I still scream from time to time, "THIS ISN'T FAIR!" but it is no longer directed towards God. It isn't fair that I have to fight so hard for Mable to have her needs met, it isn't fair that she does not have the same opportunities as her peers, it isn't fair that she is expected to behave "normally" as if she didn't have autism, and it isn't fair that our society is not set up to have autistic adults living in it with reasonable/affordable prices to manage their daily care. There is not one day that goes by that I do not have to have a plan in place for the "what if's" in our journey with autism. Being a single, working mom of an autistic young adult is one of the most challenging phases of my life these days. While the school system is not perfect, it does provide a place for special needs children to go for free from 8am- 3pm. If they ride the bus it can easily be from 6am - 4pm depending on the route. That is a blessing for many parents and certainly was a blessing for me with Mable when she was in school. I know every school district has issues and if you are hoping to read about me complaining or bashing any district, you've come to the wrong blog. In my personal experience, we've been very blessed in the school districts that have served Mable throughout the years. Of course we have had some difficult situations, but last time I checked, schools are ran by people and people aren't perfect! It is within these very districts that I found my village. We are 17 years deep into autism life and we have met so many wonderful people who have come along side us in our journey. Some of them are distant friends and some are in our daily lives, but without my village our life would be so different.
Ecclesiastes 4:12 GNT
"Two people can resist an attack that would defeat one person alone. A rope made of three cords is hard to break."
I love this verse because it is easy to picture a rope in my mind. It is a perfect picture of how I would describe my village. I am one strand of the rope and throughout our journey different people have been the other strands. Some years it's been a three strand rope and other years it has been MANY strands of rope because it does take a village to raise Ms. Mable!
“'For I know the plans I have for you,' declares the Lord, 'plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future. '” — Jeremiah 29:11
My current village, strands of rope, are definitely a blessing from God and part of His plan to prosper, not harm and give us a future. I am in a really HARD part of life these days and without my village holding me up, the struggle would be overwhelmingly crushing.
Deuteronomy 31:6 NLT
“So be strong and courageous! Do not be afraid and do not panic before them. For the LORD your God will personally go ahead of you. He will neither fail you nor abandon you.”
My personal belief is that God has gone before me and prepared the right people to walk along side us every step of the way. Each person has been hand picked, prepared for and chosen to be in our life for the exact moment we needed them. It would be IMPOSSIBLE for me to look back over the past 17 years and not see God's hand in every single situation of our autism journey. God has answered prayers before I even knew what prayer needed to be prayed! I have NO DOUBT that He will continue to fulfill His Word and we will have an amazing future.
If you don't have a village, feeling overwhelmed, need someone who understands the struggles of having a special needs child/young adult, or just need someone to cry with....I am hear to help you however I can. I'll be in your village because this is not a journey that is meant to be done alone.
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